{"id":190,"date":"2012-03-08T17:20:00","date_gmt":"2012-03-08T23:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/2012\/03\/08\/what-is-going-on-here\/"},"modified":"2014-02-17T11:05:51","modified_gmt":"2014-02-17T17:05:51","slug":"what-is-going-on-here","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/2012\/03\/08\/what-is-going-on-here\/","title":{"rendered":"What is going on here?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I want to give some background information on a death and then ask some questions for you to ponder and maybe even respond to.<\/div>\n
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I know a man who’s mother died nearly sixteen years ago.  She had cancer for several years prior to dying.  When she died, she had been living several states away.  She had however been living in the same town as her son, in a home he had bought for her to live in.  The man’s sister came into town to be with their mother while she was sick.  The sister and brother did not have a good relationship with each other prior their mother being sick.<\/div>\n
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The sister believed that her brother had been taking advantage of their mother, by requiring her to pay rent and utilities on the house.  She also felt that the grand kids had taken advantage of her as well by having her babysit her great grandchildren.<\/div>\n
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The brother believed that charging the same rent for ten years at the price of what was paid for a two bedroom apartment ten years prior, was fair and that his mother wanted to pay something for the house.  The brother also has from his perspective tried to help out his sister with giving her a car when she needed one and even some money from time to time.<\/div>\n
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Some of the descriptions given are not related but then again they are.  It provides some perspective of what each may be feeling about each other in addition to the previous estranged relationship they had over the years.<\/div>\n
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The next details I can only give from the perspective of the brother.  The previous details were gathered from information from both of them.  One day while the sister was visiting, she took her mother to the bank and paper work was signed to make the sister power of attorney over her mother’s affairs.  The brother believes that his mother was on such strong pain relievers that his mother was not able to comprehend what was being done.  Then later in the evening, the sister and mother left in the mother’s car and drove to the sister’s home several states away.<\/div>\n
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From the sisters perspective she may have believed since the mother had lived in the same town as her brother for so many years, that she wanted her mother to be with her for a little while before she passed away.  In order to do this, some of the funds in the bank were needed to cover moving and living expenses.<\/div>\n
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After their mother passed away, she was transported back to where her son lived and was buried with her husband who had passed thirty plus years earlier.  All the time of the wake and funeral, there was little to no conversation, between the brother and sister that took place, aside from what was needed to make the arrangements for the wake and burial.<\/div>\n
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Upon the sale of the house, it was found that many very personal items had been removed from the house that his mother lived in.  Items of a personal nature for his mother and for others as well that she had always held on to.  The remaining items were packed up and brought back to his house.  Some of the larger items were given to relatives and to be honest I am not sure what happened to the majority of the belongings.<\/div>\n
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For several years most of the belongings remained in a boxes in the brothers house.  Eventually the items were gone through and laid out on his pool table.  Each time family members came over and were in the basement, he would ask if they wanted anything of his mom’s.  Numerous of the items were not even family related but items that would have had meaning only to her because of some baby sitting she had done or other people she had meet.  The best I can recall, those items have been on the pool table for nearly six years now and are still today.  So if we look at the number of years ago she passed until when they boxes were went through was about ten years. <\/div>\n
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To this day the brother and sister do not speak, unless absolutely needed.  I am not aware however of any contact in the last several years.<\/div>\n
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Are there still unresolved issues?<\/div>\n
Has the brother grieved yet?<\/div>\n
Is the brother still grieving?<\/div>\n
Has the brother come to terms with the loss of his mother?<\/div>\n
Has the brother reconnected his loss in a different way?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
There are so many more questions as well that could be asked.<\/div>\n
Maybe you have some questions to ask, maybe you have some to ask and answer for this post.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I want to give some background information on a death and then ask some questions for you to ponder and maybe even respond to. I know a man who’s mother died nearly sixteen years ago.  She had cancer for several years prior to dying.  When she died, she had been living several states away.  She … [Read more…]<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"entry","1":"post","2":"publish","3":"author-admin","4":"post-190","6":"format-standard","7":"category-lossandgrief"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2m6h5-34","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":225,"url":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/2012\/06\/28\/a-new-family-in-christ\/","url_meta":{"origin":190,"position":0},"title":"A New Family in Christ","author":"Douglas Dill","date":"June 28, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Link to my Audio version Mark 3:20 - 35 What is family?\u00a0 Your mother, father, brother and sisters that you live with?\u00a0 Is there something more?\u00a0 Sure, we have grown up maybe with siblings, one or more parents...some may not have had blood related parents but parents none the less.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family"","block_context":{"text":"Family","link":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/category\/family\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1913,"url":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/2017\/09\/13\/love-sisters-and-brothers-in-sins-and-blessings\/","url_meta":{"origin":190,"position":1},"title":"Love, Sisters and Brothers: in Sins and Blessings","author":"Douglas Dill","date":"September 13, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Sunday, September 10, 2017 | After Pentecost Proper 18 Year A New Testament Romans 13:8\u201314 (NRSV) Gospel Matthew 18:15\u201320 (NRSV) Click here for an audio only version. The text version is below the video. \u00a0 https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=uPpZ1QJW2aA \u00a0 Romans 13:8 (NRSV) It sums it all up, 8\u00a0Owe no one anything, except\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Christ"","block_context":{"text":"Christ","link":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/category\/christ\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/CWJ-Insult-with-Blessing-300x107.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/CWJ-Insult-with-Blessing-300x107.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/CWJ-Insult-with-Blessing-300x107.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/CWJ-Insult-with-Blessing-300x107.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1347,"url":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/2015\/06\/17\/baptism-changes-our-reality\/","url_meta":{"origin":190,"position":2},"title":"Baptism Changes Our Reality","author":"Douglas Dill","date":"June 17, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"http:\/\/youtu.be\/xW616MbaGA0 Audio Link Sunday, June 7, 2015 | After Pentecost Genesis 3:8-15 Psalm 130: 1-8 2 Corinthians 4:13\u20135:1 Mark 3:20\u201335 Isn't it nice that we are in a different gospel today? Oh don\u2019t get me wrong, John is great stuff, but it is nice to have another perspective of the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baptism"","block_context":{"text":"Baptism","link":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/category\/baptism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/img.youtube.com\/vi\/xW616MbaGA0\/0.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1910,"url":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/2017\/09\/11\/911-remembered-2017\/","url_meta":{"origin":190,"position":3},"title":"911 Remembered, 2017","author":"Douglas Dill","date":"September 11, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"September 11th, each year is a difficult time. \u00a0Although I personally did not have someone die during these events, I like so many others, was affected deeply, and still am. \u00a0I can tell you my exact location and my exact response initially upon hearing the devastating news. \u00a0The people that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Calling"","block_context":{"text":"Calling","link":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/category\/calling\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/jesus-on-the-cross-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":174,"url":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/2012\/02\/05\/separation\/","url_meta":{"origin":190,"position":4},"title":"Separation","author":"Douglas Dill","date":"February 5, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"As I start this blog, I contemplate the loss our family is going through now. \u00a0We are a split family for the time being. \u00a0My kids and I are living on campus at Wartburg Seminary, while my wife and the kids mother, continues to live in Illinois. \u00a0We are not\u00a0separated\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Loss and Grief"","block_context":{"text":"Loss and Grief","link":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/category\/lossandgrief\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1515,"url":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/2016\/05\/05\/what-does-god-say-about-gossip\/","url_meta":{"origin":190,"position":5},"title":"What does God say about gossip?","author":"Douglas Dill","date":"May 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"From a \"Buddy Christ\" question that was addressed in a newsletter. \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Dear buddy, what does God say about gossip? Another good question this month.\u00a0 I love that you are willing to ask the tough questions.\u00a0 I am going to get a little technical on you first, so\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Bible"","block_context":{"text":"Bible","link":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/category\/bible\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Buddy Christ","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/Buddy-Christ.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/190","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=190"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/190\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":199,"href":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/190\/revisions\/199"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.messy-spirituality.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}